REB MOSHE COHEN, of blessed memory

Moshe & Jean Cohen, z"l
photo by Joy Krauthammer  ©

REB MOSHE COHEN, z"l, of blessed memory

Baruch Dayan HaEmet

Reb Moshe died 5 PM, Friday, August 17th, 2007,  3 Elul 5767, 
just before Shabbos, and 46 hours after his beloved wife, Jean, died.

"You are a blessing," are some of the very last words, that I heard Reb Moshe Cohen, of blessed memory, express a couple times, along with "Thank you," and "please", the simplest sentiments directed to his care-giver, while he, Moshe, was in the greatest of physical pain, mostly unable to move or comfortably talk, or hear, and trying to stay conscious with his visitors at home--my daughter--Aviva, and myself. This, too, was a teaching from Moshe. Gratitude, how to treat a human being, and having another know that they are appreciated for even their simplest gifts: bringing a sip of water in a paper cup for a pill.

Moshe, a couple of weeks ago, called this small gathering, "a party." He was not looking for visitors. Literally, I sat by Moshe's feet with this last visit. Moshe spoke longer and more clearly than I had heard in a long time.

There was the 'thank you' spoken also to Aviva when bringing Moshe's siddur back and forth from another room. Moshe's last teaching to me on the phone from his siddur was about Rosh Chodesh. Struggling, and barely hearing me even with a new hearing aide, Moshe was able to spend a couple of minutes having me open a siddur so that I could learn about Rosh Chodesh. Moshe's great gift to us all from his heart, faith, truth and experience, was in showing us with wisdom, skill and enthusiasm and passion, how to look for and discover in cross-references, the pearls, the treasures, the humor, the wisdom of our Jewish heritage.

How many people did Moshe individually teach in person, via the phone, the Internet and his classes at shuls and at home? I know that Moshe taught at S.S. Wise Temple twenty years ago, because we celebrated one evening in class with Torah, his 65th birthday. David and Sheila Epstein, publishers of the Jewish Calendar Magazine, had brought birthday cake.  Moshe would call me and ask me my opinions about the humorous titillating titles to entice students for his classes.  Back in the early eighties, I had hired Moshe to teach for Jewish Women's World, a consortium of synagogues and Jewish organizations. Even then, titles needed to be catchy, and Moshe's were the cutest. Moshe was regularly invited to substitute for rabbis in pulpits across greater Los Angeles. Moshe's business card read, "Have Torah Will Travel."

When Moshe was honored last year during his final Shabbat teaching at Valley Beth Shalom's (VBS) Library Minyan, in the Lopaty Chapel that could hold many more congregants, rabbis and friends than the library-- Moshe later told me that when the years of his teachings had been counted, the speaker had left out the earlier years at prior shuls. He was proud of all his years of teaching Torah to children and Adults.

Treating me like a child, Moshe even played a game with me several years ago, when I discovered a passion for G*d's "holiest number seven" as found in Torah.  Moshe instructed me to write out seven of my own important personal sevens. Sure enough, my daughter was born in 1977. Even my birth year ended in seven, 1947 and 5707. Moshe would reward me with allowing me to call him back with a Torah question. Moshe had a seven in his e-mail address moshe.cohen7@__. 

Reb Moshe died last night close to 5 PM, Friday, August 17th, 2007, 3 Elul 5767, just before Shabbos, and 46 hours after his beloved wife, Jean, died at 7 PM. Moshe got in his last personal sevens. Moshe and Jean died in Elul, acronym for, "Ani L'Dodi, L'Dodi Li."   I am my beloved and my beloved is mine. This was a loving second marriage for them both.

Bissels: Aviva reminded me that Moshe loved movies and was a trivia maven on the movies. I fixed him up with another movie maven so they could share their deep love of movies. Moshe loved Yiddishkeit and would love going to the Yiddish learning conferences.  During our last visit with Moshe, he shared that the cartoon "Lil Abner" must have come from the Jewish source: Tu B'Av. Moshe was also passionate about music, baseball and scrabble.

Moshe loved learning computer, even though frustrating for him at first. Moshe loved using his Hebrew language program. I would save his computer Hebrew words and sometimes write back to him with his Hebrew  משה "Moshe" or "Shalom". I learned to do things, Moshe's way.  Moshe always wore 'hippy style' open Birkenstock sandals with socks, way before others wore them, even to weddings. So I too, years ago, finally bought the same big clunky 'Birks', but in purple, and wear them 24/7 everywhere, and with fancy dress.

A month ago, I made sure to write to Moshe (Moshe Chayim ben Chana, as I prayed for him), a couple of letters detailing a lot of what he meant to me, how he had made a difference in my life, and for him to know he has been appreciated for what was important to him, G*d and Torah.  Moshe had left a legacy in our lives and I wanted him to know it. We might have missed each other by phone, playing tag, but we never gave up until reaching the other to learn a little more Torah. Moshe was patient with me, and always forgiving. He was also giving, and compassionate.

Moshe loved it when I would call him with a Torah question, before he called me at home to direct me to a passage in Torah. Moshe knew where to find everything. He would get out his Stone Chumash, so that I could follow him most easily. His gift was being able to show us where throughout the Torah, these concepts were repeated and how similar or different they were to each other.

Moshe and my husband, Marcel, z"l, for a couple of decades, would study Torah together every Friday evening, to prepare both of them for their own individual Torah readings the next Shabbat morning at their separate shuls. Moshe's, a conservative Library Minyan, at Valley Beth Shalom, Encino, CA where he would also be teaching the Parsha, and Marcel's, a traditional minyan, and also a Chabad. Chevruta, they both studiously learned Torah together to share with their communities, with Moshe leading the way. Moshe and Marcel shared the same Bar Mitzvah Torah Parshat BaHa'alotecha. As the Parsha teaches us, via going up to kindle the lights of the Menorah--to reach for our own potential, Moshe had us reach, always encouraging us for the highest teachings of Torah and our potential.

Aviva will share her own stories about her relationship with Moshe as friend and Rebbe. I was happy to give to Aviva, our family's big Book of Jewish Legends which Moshe so loved. Aviva brought it to Boston with her seven years ago so that she could continue to study long distance over the phone with her beloved Moshe on 'Moshe Mondays'. As soon as she visited California, Aviva made sure to visit with Moshe and joined his weekly home class. People at my shuls would tell me that they met my daughter at Moshe's and how "he would light up when Aviva entered the room."  Seventeen years ago, we gave the honor of opening the Ark to Moshe for Aviva's Bat Mitzvah.  Moshe was the Kohan witness on the Ketubah for Aviva and Brett's chupah two years ago.

My first Aliyah to Torah, was given to me by Moshe. I had never been called up to Torah before, because I had gone to my husband's 'Orthodox' minyanim.  Moshe called me up to Torah to say the bracha. I had Gabbai Joyce and Rabbi Sheldon Kirsch standing by my side, along with Reb Moshe, at Valley Beth Shalom. Now as I go up to Torah each year on my birth Parsha, BaHa'alotecha, to chant Torah, I bring Moshe with me in my heart, as Moshe gave me my first opportunity to be closer to Torah. The only important meaningful action that I needed to do for my current big birthday, was to go up to Torah and chant, and share my understanding of the Parsha's meaning, and experientially involve the congregation. Moshe is the one who told me what my birth Parsha was, based on when my Hebrew birthday was, based on my secular birth date.  Whenever a friend wanted this same information, I would ask Moshe to look it up in his book for them. I had friends call Moshe for other Torah information, before the days of the Jewish Internet, because he made himself accessible.  When I had Torah Parsha BaHa'alotecha written for a new Torah last year (in my husband's memory), I also had Moshe in mind.

In 1992, before Internet ease, Moshe found for me in the Torah, the many places where mystical 'healing' was mentioned. I still recall that in 2 Kings 2, Elisha brought back to life by hands on healing, a boy, son of the Shunamite woman. Face to face, life was returned.  I had to prove, as the conference chair, to one of the head rabbis at a Jewish university, that indeed, energetic healing as it was found in Torah, was a valid topic for the major Jewish women's conference, Timbrels of Miriam that I was organizing. The healing workshop initially cancelled by the rabbi, was held because Moshe had given to me-- as proof to the university-- and explored with me, the long list of Torah healing references. Because of Moshe, my cause was redeemed. We were finally able to hold the workshop on healing with several Jewish women healers as teachers, and it was a standing room only crowd, and written up in the Jewish press, because Moshe had given to me the long list of Torah healing references. To this day, thanks to Moshe and his love of Torah, Jewish healing continues to be popularly taught by rabbis at the university.

We are in one of the weeks of "Comfort" leading up to the High Holidays. This week's Torah Parsha Shoftim, includes the verse (Deuteronomy 16:20), "Tzedek, Tzedek, Tirdof". Justice, justice, shalt thou pursue, and Moshe helped me to pursue justice of learning.  Moshe always asked why a word was repeated twice. Maybe here to pursue Truth in this world and the next, Olam Haba. Thank you, dear Moshe!  Moshe pursued justice and truth in egalitarianism.

I don't know that Moshe cared for my "back-door" entrance to Torah, as he called it, because it was through Kabbalah, and not straight pshat Torah. Moshe was not looking for hidden meanings to be revealed, but he wanted my involvement in Torah. Moshe put up with my Kabbalistic questions.

Moshe, about 30 years ago, had been involved with our Temple Ramat Zion Library Minyan, The Minyanaires. The Minyan then later moved when we outgrew the classroom and then met at Aviva's Heschel Day School. Moshe left the Minyanaires for a more egalitarian minyan. Moshe was also sharing teachings with the children at Heschel Day School and rewarding them for their efforts.

During our last visit in person, Moshe could share with Aviva and I, the humor of his memories. I remembered a bissel that Moshe had shared with me a couple dozen years ago. I mentioned them in the presence of my daughter so that Moshe could reminisce about war time and how Zero Mostel, his "savior", his bunk mate, would rescue "little but loud" Moshe from destruction of and by others. Moshe said that the actor would pull him away, restraining him, as Moshe, in anger, jumped on the backs of others.

Moshe loved hearing from me that last month that I had spent time with Rabbi Hanna Tiferet Siegel at Kallah in New Mexico, although she now lives with husband, Rabbi Daniel, outside Vancouver, Canada. I did assure Moshe that I had shared his regards with my dear teacher, and I would again as he requested. Before I had first studied with Hanna Tiferet in 1993 at Kallah in Berkeley, Moshe had gifted me with a 1987 audio tape of her songs, "Or Shalom". Moshe had been the scholar-in-residence at Hanna Tiferet's Vancouver shul, Congregation Or Shalom, and brought the tape back to me.  Moshe knew that I would love this woman; And I did.  Her husband became the director of my Jewish Renewal movement--Aleph.  Moshe's "son" and student, Rabbi Ken Klaristenfeld, now teaches for Aleph. 

Reb Shlomo Carlebach, z"l had brought Hanna Tiferet to "Yiddishkeit", as both she and Shlomo said to me. I was Shlomo's percussionist because of Hanna Tiferet (and Divine Providence through a visualization ritual on 'Law of Attraction').  I met one of my dearest friends, Hesha, because she was singing "Olamama" by Hanna Tiferet at Elat Chayyim (in the Catskills).  When Aviva moved to Boston seven years ago, I put Aviva in touch with the Siegel's for her first Boston Shabbat dinner.  Moshe Cohen set the music going by sharing with me Hanna Tiferet's song, and I am grateful for life's rhythms.

Moshe also loved being for years, Rebbe-in-Residence for Pesach at Ramah in Ojai, and for other shuls. Moshe enjoyed telling me about those Pesach holidays.

Moshe did not want anyone going out of their way for him and wife, Jean, of blessed memory, or to give gifts to them, although they both gifted us with their love, concern and teachings.  Moshe loved the giant beautiful etrog with a perfect pitom and bright glorious golden color and citron aroma that I hand-picked for them from friend Rebbetzin Esther Elsant's tree. It was really the only perfect etrog on the whole tree and I wanted Moshe and Jean to have it.  

Moshe had said, "no" ahead of time, but I brought it over anyway, as I had done the prior year, along with some lulav branches and schach/fronds from a palm tree. Our dear friend Barbara Klaristenfeld helped to make the lulav complete for Moshe. Moshe had always gone out to choose his own lulav set for Sukkot, but now life was different, and Moshe and Jean were very appreciative. Moshe and Jean, as well as his first wife, Sue,z"l, had been ushpizin/guests in our family sukkah. 

Moshe and Jean always openly shared their love with us. They loved sharing with us news of their 'blended' family. For many years, we shared Sukkot, Chagim, and Shabboses at the loving home of Barbara and Rabbi Ken Klaristenfeld and their extended family. It will not be the same without Moshe and Jean at the table filled with love of Torah, as he sings a favorite song, "a glaissaleh vine ". Each day as I open Torah, Reb Moshe will be encouraging me to kindle my lights and to learn and appreciate our gems, our legends of Jewish wisdom. Moshe, YOU have been a blessing, and always with your wife, Jean, at your side.

With love and sympathy,
Joy Krauthammer
Aug. 18th, 2007

For Moshe and Jean's shiva, I brought large baskets of figs from my garden that I had picked in the morning, because Figs equal Torah. Moshe equaled Torah.

Funerals for Moshe & Jean Cohen:  Sunday, Aug. 19th, 2007,  Eden Cemetery

Moshe shared with me years ago, upon the death of first wife, Sue, z"l, that tears are not necessary. "Why are you crying?" he asked. Maybe that is because the neshamah goes on, returning back Home to the Source of All Blessings, and back to all the other souls who had filled one's life with love on earth while alive.

Reb Yosef Ben Shlomo Hakohen of "Hazon - Our Universal Vision" shares: "The ultimate reunion with our loved ones will be in this world - in the World to Come on this earth. Thus the dust returns to the earth, as it was, and the spirit returns to the Just One Who gave it." (Ecclesiastes 12:7) - When the human soul leaves the body, it returns to its Divine Source (Commentary of Metzudas David).

May Moshe and Jean rest in peace, and have easy Aliyahs to Shamayim. 
May The Compassionate One comfort us all among the other mourners in Tzion and Yerushalayim.  
Ha'makom yenachem b'toch she'ar avelai Tziyon v'Yerushalayim.

"May their souls be bound in the Bond of Life, together with the souls of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob; Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah; and together with the other righteous men and women in the Garden of Eden." (from the Yizkor prayer for the souls of the departed)


Moshe Cohen, witness on ketubbah for Aviva & Brett

Zayde Moshe and Aviva

Moshe & Jean and Joy

Moshe and Jean Cohen 
with friends Rabbis Ken Klaristenfeld and Sheldon Kirsch
at the Krauthammer family sukkah 1992
photo by Joy Krauthammer ©

~ ~ ~


Reb Moshe Cohen, on your 80th Birthday

Moshe's yahrzeit is 3 Elul  5767

Moshe's beloved wife Jean's yahrzeit is two nights earlier, 1 Elul
~ ~ ~

June 19, 2002  ~ Sivan 5762  80th Birthday of Reb Moshe Cohen

Dear Chevre,
A little something I said spontaneously to my friend during his celebration. 
Enjoy, love Joy

Baruch Hashem
80th Birthday of Reb Moshe Cohen

Eighty years and eight days today you are, dear Moshe. The eight days are not for your bris but they are for you a circumcision of the heart, so listen carefully to all your friends as they pay you tribute and honor as you are their teacher and friend and family. The eighth day is one beyond seven (eternal Divine lighting, like the Menorah branches) and one beyond  G*d's physical week, representing deep spirituality and miracles. 
Yasher Koach and Mazal Tov to 120!

Baruch Ata Adonanai, Elohenu Melech HaOlam, Shehecheyanu Vekiyemanu
Vehigianu Lazemen Hazeh.  


On the occassion of your 80th birthday, at your suggestion I studied the Parsha Chukat in Bamidbar and Haftarah Chukat, Judges 11:30-33 and Judges 11:34-40 regarding Jephthah the Gileadite's daughter. Your Bar Mitzvah parsha is BeHa'alotecha. As you informed me this is also my birth parsha and the parsha of my husband, Marcel Krauthammer. I challenged myself to leyn and read from Torah for my double nickel birthday (55) two weeks ago. 

To prepare for the reading on June 1, 2002, 21 Sivan 5762, first I had Marcel tape-record for me the first four lines I would chant. (And he did this literally five minutes before transferring onto the gurneyand going into cancer surgery at Cedars Sinai Hospital. I was persistent, and Marcel,
cooperative. Like Miriyahm, prepared, I brought the Chumash with me to the hospital.)

Barbara Klaristenfeld had been helping me to relearn my Hebrew in her parents' class at Heschel Day School.

I called you up for help in learning the translation of every word in BeHa'alotecha, Numbers 8:1-4. I needed to understand so completely and deeply what the Parsha was about. And I did. And I gave a drash at shul, with artistic visuals, where I serve the Holy One joyously as percussionist.

Coming to my aid, you Moshe, were there for me as you have always been there for me all the many years I have known you (twenty something). Inspiring and motivating and challenging me to study and learn. I know I can always call you when I have questions about Torah and you will direct
me into new worlds of commentaries and comparisons. You gave me my first aliyah (it was awesome) at Valley Beth Shalom's Library Minyan years ago. It was a surprise for me, and Joyce Kirsch stood by my side, supportive of me. 
(Aviva actually 'ran off' with my favorite books that I would study with you Moshe, and now she studies them with you long distance by telephone.)

Looking at the two parshiot, I see a connection between your Bar Mitzvah parsha and the Haftorah you just gave a drash on, as Darshon, for your birthday celebration with the Library Minyan.

The seven-branched Temple Menorah is remembered today as the eight-branched  Chanukiyah, the Chanukah menorah, as it is re-dedicated, annually for us all to recall the events which recognize our faith and Hashem's miracles. The Divine Light of the Menorah reminds us to reach our full potential in our service to G-d and humanity and ourself. I've learned that all of our activities should be directed toward the Center, toward the service of G*d.

We, too, can remember Jephthah's daughter and rededicate ourselves to the Light of Torah. As most Biblical women unnamed in Torah, She'ilah (The-One-Who-Is-Demanded) as she is known in Midrash, can be remembered on her yahrzeit, 21 Sivan, the same day we read BeHa'alotecha. This date is two months after she went out the door of her father's home on 21 Nissan, with timbrels and joyful dance to meet her father, Jephthah, as he won the war and returned home. She danced like Miriyahm HaNeviah the Prophetess did joyously on 21 Sivan as she crossed the Sea of Reeds in celebration of freedom with timbrels and dance. (Exodus 15:21) In Parsha Chukat, the righteous
Miriyahm dies 10 Nisan, as does Miriyahm's Well. (Numbers 20:1)

Rashi questions regarding comparison on the Red Heifer: What is the purpose of the sacrifices? They effect atonement as does the death of the righteous.

Unfortunately, Jephthah had made a pledge to G-d that if he won, the first thing out his door to greet him would be sacrificed, and so it was. 
(Judges 11:30-31) "If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, then shall it be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering". Jephthah's daughter asked her father for two months, so that she might go to the mountains with young friends and "bewail her virginity". (Judges 11:38)

Moshe, you have always encouraged me to know especially the Bible women. We can remember the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite and the women of the Bible, especially on their Yahrzeit dates. We can give them voices.

We can be the best we can be: study Hebrew, study Torah, receive aliyotchant Torah, offer a teaching, meditate, observe new rituals, old traditions, do acts of kindness, kindle a light to spread the G*d's Light, and to give thanks, and to acknowledge the Holy One's presence everywhere and say bruchot, and with timbrels--sing and dance joyously to G*d to celebrate, just as did Jephthah's daughter and Miriyahm Haneviah.

A new word of Torah which comes from the mouth of a teacher ascends to the heavens and adds glory to God's Crown. (Zohar)

Much love, Shabbat shalom and blessings to you for a long and healthy life, filled with peace and joy (gila, rena, ditza, simcha, hedva, sasoon, osher, oneg.) What are the other types of joy? 
May you be blessed and strengthened as you have blessed and strengthened your students. 
I love you so much, just as I know you love me.
Thank you for being you, dear Reb Moshe.

Joy Krauthammer
Gila Rena Zohara bat Yosef V'Leba bat Ethel, bat Peart, bat Ethel
~ ~ ~

On Moshe's 4th yahrzeit

Chodesh Tov, Shalom, Moshe chevre,

Yes, of course I have dear Moshe's, z"l, yahrzeit on my calendar, and Jean's, z"l, too.

I recall sitting with Aviva by dear Moshe, just a day or so before G*d reclaimed his soul. He told WW 2 stories to Aviva that I asked him to share with her. (That was when he'd shared a bunk with Zero Mostel.) I had brought a hand-picked beautiful etrog to Moshe, as I'd done the year before. I loved seeing the photo of Moshe and Aviva on the shelf near him.  I still love seeing the photo of Moshe and friends in my sukkah.

Moshe was the first person to offer me an aliyah at the Torah. The honor was at the VBS Library Minyan, and I asked dear Joyce, z"l, to stand by me, to support me in the saying of the blesSing. The warms my heart to remember, and I never forget it. I continue to have aliyot (especially at VBS) knowing where I was first blessed. Moshe was a believer in women's rights.

I remember Moshe studying with Marcel, z"l, over the phone every Friday for many years, for the parshas they would each chant the next day at their respective minyans. Marcel would fall asleep and I could hear Moshe calling to him (or was it vice versa?).
Moshe would have me open Legends and over the phone he would teach me. I gave Legends to Aviva when she moved because it was a precious book filled with memories for us all.

Moshe was not happy with my studying Kabbalah because it was a "back door" to Torah. At least I opened the door and walked in.

Dear Moshe, I bet you don't know that I, too, wear Birkenstock sandals everywhere, because I saw you do this. I bet you don't know that I followed you secretly in shul and simcha hallways, just to make sure in the last years you got to where you were going, and back again.  I love you. Thank you for being all you were to my Aviva, who loved you so much.
So many more sweet memories. My face is dripping wet.

BlesSings for health, wholeness, shalom, revealed miracles, and joy,
"Serve G*d With Joy "
"The Divine One is The Source of Joy. To be joyous is to be connected with the Source.
One who is connected to the Source IS joyous!"  - Reb Sholom Brodt
~ ~ ~


Moshe's invisible angel

Day after Moshe's funeral, Aug. 2007

Excerpted from Letter to Reb Yosef

Moshe’s invisible angel 

I race to open the doors and elevators for elderly and disabled and young mothers with babies, and assist people going down shul bima steps, and I would get up when I did ride buses and NY subways, and only now do I see a pattern in my actions. I let people into my freeway lanes, too.

What I realized only yesterday (during Reb Moshe’s, z’l, funeral) and had never thought about before, because I just do it, is what it is that I have done for Moshe. I will share this with you.

I am clearly not Moshe's fine Torah student. My husband, z’l, never even allowed me on the phone during his phone Torah sessions with Moshe, although it was fine with Moshe. Can't have the pro and novice in the same class. It was their time alone. Was not allowed in the Young Israel's Gemorah class either, although my husband would have allowed that but R. Simkin did not. My husband was the only student for years.

My memory is lousy, but I do integrate into my soul and actions. I can't quote Torah passages and verses, and don't retain well. (Sometimes i surprise myself.) I don't have the "good questions" to ask in studying Torah. I am just always so happy to be reading what I am learning and feeling it.

I find that usually after something insightful has come to me to share in a Torah class, but I hesitate, surely another then shares that same thought. People speak out and I raise my hand so I am not heard.

What I did with Moshe was be his invisible angel. When we would be somewhere, an event, a wedding (the Kirsch’s), a class, etc., I would shadow him and his very slow short body, with each slow step and Birkenstock shuffle, and with his walker (before his wheelchair which he did not want to have in public). Going to bathrooms then was surely an issue. I knew, because of what I had lived with along with my husband’s needs.

“You can't even close the individual stall door”, my friends would tell me when they accompanied Marcel in his wheelchair at Aviva's wedding.

I made sure that I would "just happen to be" in the hallway (or on a rocky path—Geer Theatre) when he was making his way out of a large wedding reception room or theatre from his seat (which I had secured for him for his ease closer to doors and away from drafts), and...

Indivisibly I would make sure that there was someone to open the "men’s bathroom door for him.

(Even as I write this, I am seeing other times, for other people, for other reasons, I just happened to be (deliberately) in the right place at the right time.)

It did not matter that I missed the simcha events inside. I waited in the hallway and would ask unknown men to go in and just check on Moshe, and make sure that the door was held open for him to exit the bathroom.
I would then become visible at some point and make sure he knew where his table was, and the easiest way to get back to it through large dining halls. I would make sure to get the buffet table plate for Moshe. Then when he was ready to go home, we would leave the party early for me to drive him and wife Jean home. (I would bring my dinner over to where my husband was in rehab for him to enjoy.)

Only yesterday I realized that this is what I have silently done for Moshe the past few years, when he needed this, but did not want him to know that I knew he was not so independent.  Moshe just seeing me for a moment was grateful for my assistance; he did not know what I had orchestrated for him. Moshe was proud.

I know the feeling of having a walker from my double knees surgery. i would not show up even in shul because i did not want people to have that image of me. (Of course, I had to use it at my husband's funeral.) Me, the dancing woman in purple. I would show up at a museum opening without the walker, stupidly, and a museum staff would come by and have to get me a chair because the pain was so visible on my face.
That was only last year.
At least I finally went out to a museum...

I see a pattern of chesed/lovingkindess of 'seeing' someone's need and wanting to make better the situation (Yes, more videos replayed in my head...).

Oy, you don't want me in a hospital with a sick one. I try to neaten every sheet and corner. How much clean water can a person have in the pink plastic cup?  Plants are happy when I come to visit in hospitals!  Don't know how to sit quietly even though I sat in Rabbi Jonathan Omer-Man's Monday night Metivta meditation class for ten years.  Guess my best meditation and devekut is under my fig tree and swimming and floating as I surrender myself to G*d.

Moshe would call me even if he could get out only a single phrase on the phone, for less than a minute, which would be hard for me to comprehend, and he could not hear me with his hearing aide, not even the new one. I did not realize how important that each phone call was, until now, that i can't have them.
He really was dying after all.
And I guess he loved me too.